How to Rebuild Trust with a Loved One After Addiction
Repairing relationships after addiction is tough, for both the person in recovery and their close friends and family members. While recovery often brings accountability, stability, and connection, it is challenging for everyone involved to rebuild trust and reconnect in a healthy way. It takes time, education, effort, and healing on all sides.
Why Trust Breaks Down
Before recovery, families and friends often experience cycles of disappointment, distrust, conflict, and/or disconnection. Those struggling with a Substance Use Disorder (SUD) often try to hide their addiction from others, leading to lying, manipulation, and other acts that erode trust. Unfortunately, after these experiences, family and friends understandably question if lasting change and sobriety are possible for their loved one–leading to strained and broken relationships–while individuals in recovery often carry guilt, shame, and fear that they won’t be trusted again. Rebuilding each relationship takes time, but with patience and consistent effort, families and friends can build their strongest connections yet.
How to Trust Your Loved One In Recovery
Trusting a loved one in recovery can take some time, so patience is key. If you’re questioning whether rebuilding trust with someone you love is possible, here are some tips that can help set you in the right direction:
1. Understand How Substance Use Disorder Affects Your Loved One
It’s important to understand the lies or secretive behaviors that your loved one displayed while using are not about you or their morals or values. Substance Use Disorder is a disease that affects a person's brain chemistry and behavior and leads to their inability to control their use of a legal or illegal drug or medicine.
With this perspective, you can begin to understand that their distrustful acts were a side effect of SUD and not a reflection of your loved one’s character. This can make it a little easier to work with them and make an effort to rebuild a relationship with them–as long as they are committed to remaining sober and/or correct their behavior if/when they do relapse.
Related: Common Relapse Warning Signs
2. Avoid Self-Blame
It is common for someone suffering from SUD to blame others for their use as a way of deflecting and not taking the painful responsibility for their use. While it’s normal to feel hurt when accusations are brought against you, know that only your loved one is responsible for their use. You cannot make them stop or change–you can only support them in their efforts to achieve long-term sobriety.
If past accusations have led you to question yourself, it is recommended that you work with a trained therapist or counselor who can help you heal and move toward trusting yourself again. Trust in your own instincts and assessment of critical situations is the foundation for being able to trust others.
3. Understand Enabling and How To Avoid It
Enabling refers to behaviors that unintentionally support or maintain a person’s substance use, including covering up or lying to protect them, giving them financial support that can be used for substances, taking over responsibilities (chores, childcare, bills) they have neglected, and avoiding difficult conversions to ‘keep the peace.’
While enabling often comes from a place of love and wanting to help and protect the person, it ultimately allows the substance use to continue by reducing accountability and delaying the need for change. Instead, hold the other person accountable for their career, financial, and other life responsibilities and support them in their journey to get the help and resources they need to be able to fulfill those responsibilities instead of taking them on yourself.
Related: Community Resource Directory
4. Communicate Openly and Honestly
Respectful communication is one of the strongest foundations for rebuilding trust. This means being clear about your boundaries, expressing your feelings, and acknowledging progress when you see it. Sharing the positive moments—like when your loved one takes a healthy step forward in their recovery journey—can be just as important as voicing your concerns.
Try using “I” statements when possible to avoid placing blame, which can often cause defensiveness. For example: ‘I’m having a hard time trusting after [what happened], and I’d like to see [consistent actions] that show your commitment to sobriety to work toward rebuilding trust together.’ Or ‘I feel overwhelmed by taking on extra responsibilities at home, and I need you to step back managing [specific task].’
Related: 9 Strategies for Communicating with Someone Struggling with Addiction
Set Boundaries
Setting clear boundaries prevents enabling and codependence. A boundary is a clear guideline for appropriate behaviors, language, and responsibility in any relationship. Establishing and upholding boundaries is key to building strong relationships rooted in respect and trust. Boundaries are also a way of protecting yourself from unwanted, hurtful behaviors or having to shoulder more responsibility than is fair.
How to Rebuild Trust with Loved Ones While In Recovery
If you’re wondering how to reconnect with family and friends while staying committed to your recovery journey, here are some practical steps to guide the way:
1. Be Honest and Transparent
Trust grows when words and actions align. Being open about your progress, setbacks, and struggles helps loved ones see that you’re serious about change and can help you stay accountable to your recovery journey. Transparency demonstrates integrity—and over time, consistency in your words and actions will show them that they can rely on you.
Related: 5 Proven Ways to Build Healthier Relationships
2. Set and Respect Boundaries
Boundaries protect relationships from falling back into unhealthy patterns. They can include limits around communication, privacy, behaviors, and/or responsibilities. By respecting your loved ones’ boundaries—and upholding your own—you demonstrate accountability and care, leading to the rebuilding of trust. Never feel ashamed for setting a boundary, such as asking friends and family to refrain from drinking or using substances around you, and know that those who respect and care about you will be happy to oblige.
3. Prioritize Communication
Healthy communication means listening as much as speaking. Make space for honest conversations where you share your needs and feelings while also hearing those of others. Even if it feels uncomfortable at first, consistent, respectful communication strengthens trust and allows you to reconnect in a meaningful way with those you love. Similarly to number 4 above, use “I” statements where possible to avoid blame and defensiveness. For example, saying ‘I feel encouraged when you notice the progress I’ve made’ leads to the other person wanting to acknowledge your progress in the future as opposed to feeling blamed for not having acknowledged it in the past.
4. Acknowledge the Past, While Building the Future
It’s important to recognize the pain caused during substance use without getting stuck in it. Apologies must be paired with consistent, changed behavior. Shared experiences—like family therapy or participating in a family-focused program—can help you heal old wounds together and lay the foundation for a healthier future.
Remember: Rebuilding trust after addiction is a process, but it’s possible.
Looking for more support? At Recovery Resources, we know that clients are most successful in maintaining long-term sobriety when their families are part of the healing process. That’s why we offer programs designed specifically for families to reconnect and heal together:
1) Family Engagement Counseling Sessions – We partner with A Way Out to offer counseling sessions for each family member that provide education and support to help families understand addiction, strengthen communication, and repair relationships. Family members learn to support their loved one in recovery while also caring for themselves.
2) Family Herd Program – This unique equine-assisted learning program offers families the chance to reconnect in a safe, experiential way. Through working with horses, families practice communication, rebuild trust, and develop teamwork skills–leading to stronger connections and a better understanding of each other’s needs.
Written by Liz Haas, Recovery Resources Digital Marketing & Outreach Specialist
